yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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