I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
