she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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