no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize