I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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