i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
