Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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