i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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