There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
