this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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