i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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