dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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