fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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