i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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