I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
