he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
