no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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