she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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