His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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