Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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