Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
