3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
