it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
