i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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