you guys were way drunker than both of me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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