Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
