i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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