He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
