someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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