God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
