No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
