she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize