So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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