Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
