Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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