Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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