if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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