You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
