There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
