I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize