my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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