My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
