Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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