It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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