a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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