my sisters under your porch take her home
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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