I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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