my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My breasts were aching with rage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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