The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
