I think I won the penis lottery.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
