You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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