one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
