respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
