apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize