so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
