hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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