I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
