Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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