My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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