idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
