So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
