So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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