I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
