Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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