Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
