Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
