We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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